i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
