the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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