Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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