My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
