You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
