i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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