I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
