I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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