Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
