Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
