Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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