If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
