I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
