you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
