he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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