We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
