did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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