i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
