does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
