I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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