Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
