fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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