Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
