I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
