just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
