ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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