maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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