i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
