I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize