Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish you could order shots online.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
