3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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