Only a mothe r could love this liver
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
