On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
should my penis look like a turkey
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
