Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize