Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
how drunk are you?
Several
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize