someone get that fucking seahorse.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
