Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
