We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Even my vagina gasped.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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