This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
soo... how was my night?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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