So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
