i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
