True but thats because hes a fetus.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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