is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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