i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
