I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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