The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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