i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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