she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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