Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
