I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
