Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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