What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I want a musical about memes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
