If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
