the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
