So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
