i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
