I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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