Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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