"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
