I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
