my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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