Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
