your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
