making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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