I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
