apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize