No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There r osticjed everywhere
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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