the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
