I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
