omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
