I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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