she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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