just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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