just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
