All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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