I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
