right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
